


Happy Birthday To Me

by 1thousandminus7



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, M/M, brief mention of alcohol, kinda canon compliant?, some cute bits, this was meant to be happy, why am I incapable of writing happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 07:26:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15238377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1thousandminus7/pseuds/1thousandminus7
Summary: July 10th is Kururugi Suzaku's birthday. It was never a particularly notable date, but to a few select people, it did mean something.





	Happy Birthday To Me

**Author's Note:**

> I said I was gonna write something for my best boy's birthday. I said it was going to be happy. I started writing, and then this happened. What can I say? His character is just so perfect for angst writing. I would say sorry, but I'm not.

_Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me…_

Everyone who was even slightly familiar with Kururugi Suzaku knew that he was a complete sap. The kind of sap who would take in a street cat who had done nothing but abuse him, the kind who would never fail to step in even when his help wasn’t wanted, the kind who cried just because all his favourite people were in one place and happy. So it really should have come as a surprise to no one when his surprise seventeenth birthday party- organised by Milly, of course- was met with tears.

“Suzaku?” Shirley asked in a hesitant tone, tilting her head to one side. She was wearing a conical party hat with silver streamers on that fell down the side of her face when she did that, and it made him give a choked little laugh, wiping his cheeks with a sleeve.

“You shouldn’t have…” He murmured, sniffling, and that was when Lelouch- his wonderful best friend, Lelouch- went over and put a long arm around his shoulders, his own stupid party hat held perfectly in place.

“Of course we did. What’s with the tears? Anyone’d think no one’s ever thrown a party for you before.” Lelouch dabbed delicately at Suzaku’s cheek with a sleeve and smirked at him and Suzaku didn’t have the heart to tell him that they _hadn’t_ , that all his birthdays since his father’s death had been spent alone or in the army, where no one cared about the dumb day of his birth. Even before then, any birthday celebrations had been small family affairs, since his father was busy running the country and being the Prime Minister’s son didn’t lend itself to making easy friends. The couple of birthdays he’d spent with Lelouch and Nunnally back before the fall of Japan were the last true celebrations he’d had.

“I’m sorry.” Suzaku tried to pull himself together, wondering how he could convey to them how much this meant to him. “Thank you. For all of this.”

“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet.” Milly laughed, running forward and taking his hands, pulling him out of Lelouch’s embrace and into the clubhouse, which had been lovingly draped with balloons and streamers. Everyone was present, Nunnally and Lelouch, Milly, Shirley, Rivalz, Kallen, even Nina, scuffing her toe into the perfectly polished floor and looking uncomfortable, as always. There was a three-tiered cake in the centre of the room, surrounded by various party snacks that looked handmade. On another table was a small pile of wrapped presents and a stack of cards. Even Arthur was there, playing lazily with a toy mouse that jingled each time he batted it with a paw. It was… perfect, and utterly overwhelming to him. “We all chipped in! When Lulu told us it was your birthday we absolutely had to celebrate, it’s only a shame he didn’t tell us sooner so we couldn’t get a band, or a proper catering staff or-”

“No! No, this is… it’s perfect.” Suzaku laughed, shooting a look at Lelouch, who artfully avoided his gaze by straightening a tangled streamer hanging from a bunch of floating balloons.

“Oh, I’m so glad!” She danced away and pressed play on an expensive-looking sound system, which started playing upbeat music, and clapped her hands twice. “Let the celebrations begin!”

 

“I’m not sorry.” Lelouch told him, picking primly at a slice of cake that had been pushed into his hands by Rivalz. He was sat back next to Suzaku, legs crossed. Suzaku had a party hat of his own now, and a loaded plate of party food. He had to admit that the school council had some good cooks.

“No, I’m glad you did this. It means a lot.”

Lelouch laughed under his breath. “You’re so softhearted.”

“There are worse things to be.” Suzaku chuckled, and took a bite out of a meat pie.

“You should open your presents.” Lelouch gestured at the pile with his fork. “Everyone’s dying to see what you think of them.”

“You didn’t have to buy me anything.” Suzaku blushed a little.

“Have you met these people? Money is the one thing they have in excess. Take advantage of that.”

“Lelouch!” Suzaku slapped his arm lightly. “You can’t do that!”

Lelouch raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re speaking to royalty, Suzaku. I think I’d know a thing or two about disposable income.”

“You still shouldn’t do things like that. It’s not right.”

“Hm. I’ll tell them you don’t want your presents then.”

Suzaku huffed. “You’re awful, Lelouch.”

He smirked. “And you’re a paragon of virtue. These things never change, do they?”

Suzaku gave him a curious look, but let it go.

 

Once everyone had eaten their fill, Suzaku was ushered over to open his presents. True to form, they were all expensive and, in Suzaku’s opinion, far too much. Gold cufflinks, a year’s membership to the local gym and spa, a state of the art tablet. He didn’t think he’d ever owned so much before, and he didn’t know how to thank them. Across the table, Lelouch was smirking at him. He accepted hugs from Milly, Shirley and Rivalz, laughing and thanking them over and over, and they eventually let go so Nunnally could make her way over.

“Now open mine!” She held out her hand and he placed his own in it, as he knew to do from that gesture. She turned it palm up and pressed a small box into it, folding his fingers over it. Suzaku took it and opened it, eyes widening a little. It was a pocket watch, with a design of two crossed swords over a shield on the case. He opened it, and watched it tick for a few seconds.

“Nunna-chan, it’s beautiful.” He breathed, fingers curling around it.

“To replace the broken one.” She smiled kindly. Suzaku felt a pang in his chest. That watch was his father’s, and it had saved his life. Still… Maybe it was time to put that one away. Nunnally and Lelouch were as good as his family now.

“I’ll carry it with me always.” He said softly, and took her hand so he could kiss her knuckles. She giggled.

“Such a gentleman.”

“Of course, my Lady.” He smiled, and Shirley pressed a hand to her heart, ‘aww’-ing at him.

“Lelouch, what about your present?”

Lelouch waved his hand dismissively. “Later.”

“Ooh.” Milly leaned over Suzaku’s shoulder with a wry smile. “I won’t ask questions boys, but I will give you this.” She held out a slim, white envelope. Suzaku took it, frowning. He slit it open, and pulled out the contents. Two tickets, it looked like. “There’s a fayre happening not too far from here.” She explained, “They’re setting up a temporary skating rink. For you… and a friend.” She winked, and glanced up at Lelouch, who pointedly looked away.

“Thank you, Milly!” Suzaku beamed at her. He’d never been skating before, so it would be an interesting new experience. He wondered if Lelouch had ever skated before.

The other surprise was that amongst the cards was a pale lavender envelope with a familiar, neat script on the envelope. He opened it, and yelped when several notes fell out of the card inside. He counted up the money, eyes wide at the amount, and read the paragraph written inside.

_Suzaku,_

_Apologies that we couldn’t come visit you, and I hope that you’re having a wonderful day. I asked Lloyd what we should get you as a present, and he said that the day off and the improvements he’s making to the Lancelot were enough. I hit him over the head with the paperwork he gave me._

Suzaku laughed at that. He could just picture it.

_Anyway, here’s some spending money. I would tell you to spend it wisely, but it’s a gift, so you can do what you like. I’ll bake a cake for when you come back on Monday- I found an interesting recipe I can’t wait to try!_

_Happy seventeenth_

_With love,_

_Cecile_

Added beneath, in a different, spidery script was _+Lloyd_ , and a rough three X’s. Suzaku smiled, warmth blossoming in his chest, and tucked the money back into the envelope with the card.

“Who was that from?” Lelouch asked, leaning over his shoulder.

“My bosses.” Suzaku told him, adding the envelope to his gifts.

“You have very generous employers.”

“Yeah. I guess I do.” He looked up at Lelouch, his eyes bright.

“Come with me.” Lelouch said, and something in his eyes told Suzaku it wasn’t a request. He stood up, and followed Lelouch up the stairs, to the balcony.

“Why’d you take me up here?”

“To give you your present, idiot.” Lelouch leaned on the railing, looking out over the school grounds.

“Did you need to do that?”

“I wanted to. I played out every scenario in my head and all the best ones came when we were alone.”

“All the best ones?” Suzaku joined him, shoulder to shoulder.

“Yes.” Lelouch paused, letting his words hang in the air before standing up straight. He turned to Suzaku, and reached into his pocket. When he drew it out again, he held a little red statuette in his palm. He offered it to Suzaku, who took it, and laughed.

“Is this a maneki-neko?”

“A lucky cat? Yes. It is. I looked it up,” Lelouch gestured at the red cat carrying the gold coin, its right paw up. “Red means good luck in health. Hopefully it means you won’t get shot again.”

Suzaku glanced up from the figurine, surprised. “I didn’t take you for the superstitious type.”

“I’m not, but… It’s something Japanese. Something from home. Even if it is just a dumb little souvenir.”

“It’s not dumb.” Suzaku’s fingers closed around it, and he held it against his chest protectively. “I’ll treasure it.”

“I’m glad.” Lelouch scratched at a mark on the railing, seeming nervous about something.

“Did you pull me all the way up here just to give me a good luck charm?” Suzaku pressed him, sensing that there was more to come.

“No.” He seemed to steel himself a bit. “I have a problem, Suzaku.”

“A problem?” Suzaku frowned, concerned.

“Yes… I’m faced with making a decision. It’s a bit of a stupid decision, in all honesty, because from every angle I look at it I come to the conclusion that I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t stop myself from wanting to do it anyway.” He glanced up at Suzaku. “You know me. I don’t like taking uncalculated risks.”

“And… you want my advice?” Suzaku asked, wondering what on Earth Lelouch could be talking about. He hoped it wasn’t anything… unpleasant.

“Not so much.”

He frowned. “Then… Why are you telling me?”

“Because it involves you. Specifically the other half of your birthday present.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m telling you because I’m going to give it to you, even though there are precisely seventeen reasons I can think of right now as to why I shouldn’t, and I could probably come up with more if I actually stopped and thought about it.”

“Then why give it to me? Lelouch, I’m confu-” Before he could finish his sentence, long fingers were cupping his cheeks and there were lips on his, moving slowly, tentatively. Suzaku froze, processing what was happening, but it only took him a second to relax, hands finding Lelouch’s hips and pulling him close as he returned the kiss to the best of his ability. Neither of them knew what they were doing, and it was awkward and a little bit messy, but Suzaku found himself enjoying every second of it. When Lelouch broke it, he was looking at Suzaku through long eyelashes, a faint pink blush on his pale cheeks. Suzaku imagined his own face was bright red under its tan.

“Happy birthday, Suzaku.” Lelouch said in that rich, deep voice of his, and Suzaku felt warm all over.

“Brave of you to call yourself my present.” He half-joked, not sure exactly what to say. “Or arrogant.”

“Every time you you give someone a gift, you take a chance as to whether or not they’ll like it. I took that chance giving you myself. Do you not like it?” Lelouch’s tone was controlled, but Suzaku could tell he was hurt, and he mentally berated himself.

“I loved it.” He reassured Lelouch, his grip on Lelouch’s uniform tightening a little to stop him stepping back. Lelouch relaxed, his hands moving from Suzaku’s cheeks to his shoulders.

“Does this mean you’ll take me ice skating with Milly’s tickets?”

“I was going to take you anyway.” Suzaku laughed softly. “You’re my best friend.”

“And maybe more?”

“And… maybe more.” Suzaku admitted. There was a moment of silence, and then he said, “We should rejoin the party.”

“Can we stay here a few minutes longer?” Lelouch asked, and Suzaku couldn’t refuse him.

“Alright. A few more minutes.” He relented, and this time he was ready when Lelouch pulled him in.

-+-

Suzaku’s eighteenth was a much more sombre affair. It would have come and gone without acknowledgement, much like his eleventh through sixteenth birthdays, but there was still one person who cared.

“Today is the anniversary of our first kiss.” Lelouch told him, staring at the glass table covered in notes and plans between them. “Happy eighteenth birthday.”

Suzaku was colder now, scarred inside and out by the man sitting across from him. He’d been hurt over and over by Lelouch, and to still love him was the cruellest wound of all. He’d done unspeakable things in the name of that love, and he was going to do more of them. The papers in front of him told him so. Of course, he tried to tell himself that that wasn’t the only reason, but the truth was that if he didn’t have feelings for Lelouch, he would have put him down months ago. He was selfish, and his selfishness beget cruelty.

Across the table, worlds apart, Lelouch looked up. “Say something, Suzaku.”

Suzaku met his eyes. He wore the contacts, for Suzaku’s sake, but Suzaku could still see the red marks burned into his irises. “What is there to say?”

“I still love you.”

Suzaku would have winced, if he hadn’t taught himself to close off his emotions months ago. “You can’t.”

“Why not? I have months left to live, if that. I can do what I like.”

Suzaku set his teeth. “You’re being cruel.”

Lelouch’s smile was whimsical, bordering on sardonic. “If my job is to make the world hate me, I might as well do it properly.”

Silence was Suzaku’s only answer.

“I wanted to get you something.” Lelouch tried again, “But I couldn’t think of anything appropriate.”

Still no response.

“Last year I gave you myself. Recycling the same gift seems cheap.”

A glance, and a clenching of fists.

“I suppose this year, instead of my heart I’m giving you my head. Infinitely more satisfying, I should imagine.” He lamented, though his tone lacked sincerity.

“Be quiet.” Suzaku said sharply. Lelouch’s words felt like glass shards in his chest. Shards of his happiness.

“Do you hate me, Suzaku?” Lelouch’s voice had no right to be that soft and full of sadness. Suzaku gritted his teeth and didn’t answer.

 

That night, they spent the night together in Lelouch’s bed. Suzaku supposed that gave him the answer to his question.

-+-

_Happy birthday dear Zero…_

Kururugi Suzaku didn’t make it to his nineteenth. He died in battle against Schneizel and the Damocles, aged 18. Three months later, his best friend, lover, and the Emperor to whom he had sworn his life was buried in a plot of land not too far from his own grave. Consummate knight, indeed.

Zero’s nineteenth birthday was spent alone. He didn’t have any royal duties to attend to for a few days; Empress Nunnally wouldn’t need him until the summit on Thursday. That meant he could afford to celebrate. In his head, he held visions of a warm summer’s day in July when a group of friends got together to celebrate one of their birthdays, and there were balloons and streamers and music and presents, and it was perfect. In one hand, he held a glass of something hard, that burned his throat when it went down and made his head feel fuzzy. In the other, a small figurine of a red cat holding a gold coin, its right paw in the air. Red like the ring around his irises that, true to Lelouch’s word, stopped him from getting shot. Or stabbed. Or sustaining any other bodily harm. Of the fatal sort, anyway. Much like many things in his life, he had mixed feelings towards that cat. Still, he would hold onto it. He would clutch onto it until the day when both it and the Geass compulsion let him join the man who had given him both.

Kururugi Suzaku didn’t make it to his nineteenth, but Zero lived through his nineteenth, his twentieth, and many more birthdays to come. None of them were ever as perfect as that one summer’s day in July.

 

_Happy birthday to me._


End file.
